I remember a season in my life of endless diaper changes, feedings, coordinating of naptimes, piles of dishes to wash, and all the unseen and less than glorious daily activities of a mother up to her elbows raising babies. I remember releasing my husband to far away countries for mission trips and hearing of all the exiting things God was doing far away through others and thinking to myself, “Lord, what about me. What can I do that would be of significant value to you?”

It is easy to see the lack of faith in the Hebrews as we read about God bringing them out of Egypt. He sent plagues and showed signs and wonders to prove to them that He sent a deliverer to bring them out of slavery. He even split the red sea so they could pass through it as though it was dry ground. He led the way and guided them with a pillar of fire by night and a cloud by day. Yet, they spent forty years wondering in the wilderness, rebelling and complaining against God’s leading, and even reminiscing of the days when they were slaves in Egypt. Following God’s leading was unfamiliar to them and they were uncomfortable and even afraid to hear what He had to say to them. Remaining in Egypt, in slavery and brutal oppression, seemed to be safe because it was familiar.

Have you served God until you have been emptied out? I know this is going against the grain of the self-care and self-love gospel we hear and see everywhere today, but Naomi had left Bethlehem with her husband and her sons, in obedience to her husband’s decision. Whether his decision was right or wrong is irrelevant here. What matters is Naomi lived a godly life, in submission to her husband, loving and serving her children in such a way that she even won over the women who came from a people considered to be enemies of her own people. She poured herself out. She didn’t throw her hands up and use her husband’s walking away from Bethlehem as justification.

If you have ever scrolled through Pinterest, Instagram, Youtube, or any other social media platform, you probably have come across a post or two about learning how to say no to people, purging your life of people who expect your help or rely on you in some way, or intentionally surrounding yourself only with those people who you can benefit from or be motivated, encouraged, and inspired by.  To some extent, we all need people in our life to look up to and be challenged by to keep developing and growing in our walk as we follow Christ, develop financial skills, and many other aspects of life.  However, after running into enough of these types of posts, I began to ask myself:  If I am always surrounding myself with people from whom I can benefit or receive encouragement and inspiration from, when do I find an opportunity to be encouraging to others?  Is it healthy to continue to search for someone who will pour into me, while failing to give to another of what I have already received?

This is me at home, with my children. Not so glamorous, I know! But that doesn’t diminish what I have been able to do for advancing the Kingdom of Heaven through ministering first to my family. Read on to get the full story.

I say to myself and testify to you as the reader that even though I had to overcome some level of fear and thoughts that told me I don’t belong here, I am HERE! I am writing and declaring that, “The Lord REDEEMS his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in Him.”

You cannot have a relationship without a process.  It doesn’t work for marriage any more than it would for a tree to be uprooted and replanted every time you get bored or displeased with the process.  If you did that to a tree, it wouldn’t grow any faster.  On the contrary, it would probably get very sick or simply die.

I understand the need.  I sense true compassion for those in pain.  Yet, because I understand the magnitude of the need, I feel like a mosquito trying to bring down an elephant, like a child throwing pebbles at a giant. I long to be the good in this world, to leave a meaningful impact on humanity before my life is over.  Yet, so often I am flooded with feelings that I am not enough, no matter how much I do, it is never enough.  Never meaningful or important enough.