Marriage from My Husband's Perspective
As my wife promised in her previous post, I am here to give my perspective on marriage and relationships.
The sixteen years of being married have been a time of many discoveries and revelations in my life. It has been a time of learning about my wife, but also a time of learning about myself like I never had before.
For as long as I can remember, I was convinced that the man was created to conquer, to be strong and to overcome. I believed this to be true when I decided to pursue a relationship with Veronica. I initiated our relationship, I conquered her heart, and we were married. I had no doubt in my mind that I will be strong for her and our family and overcome through every challenge to come our way. I still believe this to be true, but I understand it in a much deeper way now.
I discovered early on in our marriage that this reliance on my strength was one of the first things that actually created tension between us. The hardest thing for me to agree with my wife on was the fact that I had weak areas in me that I had to work on. Being in a place as the head of the house and having to admit this, was a seriously humbling experience. I wanted to be seen as a conqueror, strong, and an overcomer.
I know that I am not alone in this. Most of the men I know feel this way. As men, it is natural for us to protect our weaknesses from being exposed. We fear that our respect will suffer if we allow those things to be exposed. When my wife saw those weak areas, it was difficult for me to admit to those things. A few examples of those areas includes learning how to live on a budget, communicating more clearly with my wife regarding my plans and schedule, or learning to be more expressive about the things I appreciated in her, being intentional about scheduling family time, and learning to be the expert repair-man that my wife was certain she had married.
Just like God had a purpose for men to be the way they are, He also had a purpose in mind when He created a helper for the man. God created a helper, not to fulfill the man’s desires. He created the woman to be that helper who would encourage the man to live out his purpose. God enabled her to see those blind spots in our character that we would most likely have never realized we had.
When I realized that she was not against me, but is rooting for me, walking toward one goal together with me, I was more willing to be more transparent with her about my inner struggles and battles. When I began to see her as my number one fan, I laid down that unhealthy tendency to protect those areas from her.
As I submitted myself to the process of accepting the reality of my weaknesses and working on each one, I became stronger. I began to overcome in those areas. In that process, the more she cheered for me and believed in me, the more my love for her grew and became stronger, and the more I wanted to become better for her.
It appears as though God left something out on purpose when creating man. He created us in a way where we will need each other.
Wives, if you see in your husband areas that he needs to work on, make an effort to avoid expressing it in a confrontational manner. Constantly pointing out his failures will not help him overcome, but only solidify those things as his identity.
This may sound harsh, but I have to mention it: trying to change your husband into the image YOU have created will not work. Don’t forget that he was created in God’s image. Consult with God regarding what He wants your husband to be. Prayer is the key to unlocking that process.
Helping your husband to be more romantic, more attentive to you, a better provider for you, etc, etc, revolves around you. More likely than not, when your husband is changed into the image and likeness that God has in mind for him, you might have to sacrifice more of your time, finances, attention, and so on. Yet, he needs to succeed in his calling. That is what he was designed to accomplish and will be at his best when he is moving toward that calling. Help him in that.
Guys, never use the reasoning “this is who I am” simply to avoid the unpleasant process of admitting your weaknesses and having to work on yourself. No matter how long it takes, NEVER EVER STOP improving. Continue improving and dreaming, even past your wife’s expectations. Remember, you are not molding simply to her image, you are molding into God’s image. He is able to do exceeding and abundantly more than we can ask or even imagine. You can be a man who surpasses his wife’s expectations.
The more we hide and pretend or fool ourselves that we don’t need to change, the more we lose our respect in our home. The more we lose our respect, the harder it is for us to love our wives. If we continuously strive to become better, our wife’s respect for us grows, which makes our love grow for our wives. This harmony in marriage is only possible if you, as the man of the house, as the head of the family, choose to accept correction.
With my wife’s help I have even written my first blog. Thank you for reading!
